"Retrograde"
Time spent alone tends to the muddy the waters of the past
Spinning grey skies into possible sunshine memories
All just because hearing only my breath makes me long for something more
Even if that more was a bad yesterday
I play that familiar but dusty song and lose myself in what was
And like a movie we all hated the first time around I watch
Latching on to the parts that were tolerable
Making them worth my smile or applause
Solitary minutes betray me when I ache for the touch of another
Long pulls on the bottle hurry my misery and clouded recollection
Betrayed by silence and overly pensive fleeting thoughts
I nearly crumble into bad decisions and unwanted returns
The devil is my unused time
My idle hands shake with need
The only way to beat it back to hell
Is to fight with closed eyes or busy fingers
Sleep is not wanted
So I type
I write
I imagine
Sharing it with myself
Nodding approval
And then I am off again
Running down the next rabbit hole
Chasing my imaginary white rabbit
Keeping the demons of the past at bay
Robert Lloyd