Low Wattage

Low Wattage

you miss a version of me 

who no longer exists.

the one who doesn’t 

shadow a room upon entering.

and for that, I am sorry.

but if you pause 

in your silent judgment,

you will find your hand 

on the switch.

Somewhere I Am Not

Somewhere I Am Not 

Let us go then, you and I. 

T. S. Eliot 

Broken. Repeated. Plagiarized. 

I am never gonna survive. 

Ready or not, it doesn't matter. 

I disturb the universe. 

Pinned, wriggling through life. 

I can't run away, so I take it slowly. 

Is this theft? 

Words from one generation or another. 

I can try. 

Quick now. 6 7. 

A third generation. 

What comes next? 

I know the I's already. 

I sit 180 degrees from the regular. 

I grow old 

But not yet at my breaking point. 

So I search for the mermaids singing. 

Coincidences with no consequences. 

If every meaningful sentence has already been spoken, 

What exactly am I supposed to do? 

Find me, lost, 

Knowing exactly where I am. 

Robert Lloyd

30 june 2026

In The Room

 In The Room

They are not as grey as I would have imagined
Neither of us wants to speak first
Unforgetting, small brown eyes follow my every move
Our fear of immediate discontent is palpable
I am amazed
There is enough space
For the three of us
We are avoiding the obvious
Its tail swishing with the tension
We are broken
The furniture ignores its size
Our hearts dull
Its trunk sways this way and that
Yesterday is no longer about tomorrow
Grateful there are no mice scurrying about
We think small thoughts
Ivory tusks majestic and white
There is no clear path
And all I can think
They are not as grey as I would have imagined
While avoiding a lovers' graveyard

By
Robert Lloyd

 

Sorghum Toil

The imperfections
We once loved
Are now the cracks
Fracturing us

Our core,
That original heart,
Now works as brittle glue
Binding,
But failing

We are
Chaos and pain,
Circular
Like breathing,
The unnatural
Natural motions

Our ebb and flow
Slows
Like molasses
In winter,
And we are no longer certain
We wish to light the stove
To once again
Soften the bitter, salted
Blackstrap

— Robert Lloyd

Anchor

“Anchor”

Silence

It is deafening

Chasing me to the ends of the night

I outrun it though with p.m. pills, distilled dreams or sheer exhaustion

I can’t allow it to settle on me

For I fear it will destroy me

Sometimes it sneaks up on me

Winding its cold icy pain through my thoughts

Shaking my nerve

And racing my heart

Sometimes it shatters my fake smile

And replaces it with quick salted tears

It’s a pause between songs

A commercial when watching rerun distractions

It’s that moment when I stop talking about whatever

The moment I leave the company of friends

Silence

It is my enemy

Waiting for me to forget that I must busy my mind with insignificance

It is relentless

And I grow weary

I can only avoid it for so long

It is an anchor I cannot escape

Silence

It is deafening

Chasing me to the ends of the night

Robert Lloyd

7 April 2016

Bide

Bide

Will I have the next kiss goodbye

Or will that one be my last one

As the dark cloud hovers above me

My heart waits for resolve

Wondering

Has my latest appeal prolonged the end

Will the bell toll midnight

And the finality of reality run it’s course

My death row heart holds onto hope

I wait patiently

Nervously

Painfully

Not giving in

She makes me smile when no one else can

My breath catches when she walks into a room

Still when I bleed this honesty

Hers is one of “I don’t know”

What more can I bare

Waiting for the inevitable

If there is no now

How can we hope for tomorrow

I glance back to the yesterdays

The ones she says were not there

Wondering

Which of us is lying to ourselves

Bending reality to hold onto the latest idea

The guillotine hangs ready to fall

And I willingly place my neck on the block

Begging for a quick end

Or for her to yank me away

Wanting desperately to renew us

By

Robert Lloyd

Iceberg

"Iceberg"

I am floating along                           

And melting

The beautiful world that surrounds me

Betrays me as I cherish

and struggle

with each vanishing moment

My presence

My worth

My existence

It all fades with each new sunrise

I crave something it seems I am no longer allowed

More time with you

With your supposed forever smile

With your clear blue glances

With the thought that you could never tire of me

As I drift along

Further from you

From something that once was such magic

I tremble with fear

And my heart aches

I desperately want to travel back to before

To the time before we stumbled onto this false path

This stream that drags us apart

I want yesterday

Knowing what I know today

Rather than this cold fade

I am floating along

And melting

Robert Lloyd