Somewhere I Am Not

Somewhere I Am Not 

Let us go then, you and I. 

T. S. Eliot 

Broken. Repeated. Plagiarized. 

I am never gonna survive. 

Ready or not, it doesn't matter. 

I disturb the universe. 

Pinned, wriggling through life. 

I can't run away, so I take it slowly. 

Is this theft? 

Words from one generation or another. 

I can try. 

Quick now. 6 7. 

A third generation. 

What comes next? 

I know the I's already. 

I sit 180 degrees from the regular. 

I grow old 

But not yet at my breaking point. 

So I search for the mermaids singing. 

Coincidences with no consequences. 

If every meaningful sentence has already been spoken, 

What exactly am I supposed to do? 

Find me, lost, 

Knowing exactly where I am. 

Robert Lloyd

30 june 2026

 

Sorghum Toil

The imperfections
We once loved
Are now the cracks
Fracturing us

Our core,
That original heart,
Now works as brittle glue
Binding,
But failing

We are
Chaos and pain,
Circular
Like breathing,
The unnatural
Natural motions

Our ebb and flow
Slows
Like molasses
In winter,
And we are no longer certain
We wish to light the stove
To once again
Soften the bitter, salted
Blackstrap

— Robert Lloyd

Armor

Armor

I wear my armor well

It is painted with forced smiles

But I do eventually become happy

It is oiled with a need to care about something

And I do for those around me

It is fitted with just the right amount of forgetfulness

And for the most part it works as I get lost in my day to days

However when busy stops the running around

The memories find their way in

If you look closely you can see my armor has been well tested

There are many holes, dents and scars from unseen battles

There is a reason it is my armor

It is there to protect me from the attack

It helps to repel the rumors and whispers

It helps to defend against those who are bitter

It helps to shield me from those who just do not understand

And yet still they offer advice about something they will never know  

But most of all

My armor protects me from myself

I am the one who can slice through my defenses like a hot knife through butter

I am the one who can unsettle the day

You see the attack from the outside is nothing I can’t handle

It’s the one from within that I struggle against

It is that moment when time freezes and I find myself alone

Calm

Quiet

Even bored

That is when my armor nearly fails

That is when my mind spins and I question who I am

I question yesterday, today and tomorrow

There so many what ifs and what should have beens

The onslaught is relentless

And just when I think I can take no more of my own assault

Just when this titanium alloyed covered mind and heart

Feels like it is protected by a cheap aluminum shield

The phone rings

And I am presented a quest

My email vibrates

And I am given a cause

My door rattles with a knock

And I greet someone who needs me for battle

My armor held against my own mental attack

And now the distraction of something else

Anything else

Allows me to escape succumbing to myself

I get the distraction of someone else’s fair maiden to rescue

I get to help sleigh another’s dragon

I get the chance to let my armor repair itself for another eventual attack

You see the armor I wear when I am around you strengthens itself 

With your victories

So that I may eventually have my own

Robert Lloyd

Sound in Space

"Sound in Space"

Imagine they echo out into the black glittered void unheard

Like a 1980’s cassette tape on a continuous loop

Floating in an aluminum tin can satellite

Searching for something more

Constantly voicing want into the stardust nowhere

Knowing that when the impossible is found

Today will have already faded into way too many yesterdays

I put my love into electronic words like a ping into space

Knowing they will fall on deaf ears

They are warning to those out there not to come near

At least not until we have completely destroyed ourselves

With only the old faded sound of my heart breaking remaining

Playing over and over again

Screaming into the vacuum of a silver twinkled night sky

By

Robert Lloyd

Retrograde

"Retrograde"

Time spent alone tends to the muddy the waters of the past

Spinning grey skies into possible sunshine memories

All just because hearing only my breath makes me long for something more

Even if that more was a bad yesterday

I play that familiar but dusty song and lose myself in what was

And like a movie we all hated the first time around I watch

Latching on to the parts that were tolerable

Making them worth my smile or applause

Solitary minutes betray me when I ache for the touch of another

Long pulls on the bottle hurry my misery and clouded recollection

Betrayed by silence and overly pensive fleeting thoughts

I nearly crumble into bad decisions and unwanted returns

The devil is my unused time

My idle hands shake with need

The only way to beat it back to hell

Is to fight with closed eyes or busy fingers

Sleep is not wanted

So I type

I write

I imagine

Sharing it with myself

Nodding approval

And then I am off again

Running down the next rabbit hole

Chasing my imaginary white rabbit

Keeping the demons of the past at bay

Robert Lloyd