Rusted Red

“Rusted Red”

She is fading

I catch myself daydreaming about her

And a smile flashes across my face

I crave the stare of her rusted red brown eyes

The beautiful kind that you can easily lose yourself in

I miss the feel of her syruped caramel skin

And I want to touch her again

To run my fingers along the small of her back

To feel her warm skin beneath my own

I enjoy the way her hair looks when it has been tussled by my rough hands

I even laugh now as I envision her fighting to smooth it back to normal

Knowing full well that I will only mess it up again

My heart races

I can see her flashing that perfect crooked smile

Asking me

“What do you want?”

She is my escape

My today

There is no promised tomorrow

And I am comfortable with that

For now

Robert Lloyd

Rabbit

Rabbit

I am driven

Absorbing everything around me

Busying myself with stuff I used to ignore

Trying to be too involved to breathe

It’s me running faster than my own thoughts

My future ghosts are chasing me

Like hungry howls in pursuit

Waiting for me falter

But I press on determined

If I could just ignore the footsteps behind me

At least for just few moments more

Then it will all go away

I could burst out of the crowded forest that is my tortured heart

And be bathed in the sunlight of blank canvass

I escape reality by not acknowledging it

The pain of the bite at my heels is too much to endure

I am the rabbit running

Unwilling to succumb to the snarling wolves in my head

The ones I created

Robert Lloyd

Bide

Bide

Will I have the next kiss goodbye

Or will that one be my last one

As the dark cloud hovers above me

My heart waits for resolve

Wondering

Has my latest appeal prolonged the end

Will the bell toll midnight

And the finality of reality run it’s course

My death row heart holds onto hope

I wait patiently

Nervously

Painfully

Not giving in

She makes me smile when no one else can

My breath catches when she walks into a room

Still when I bleed this honesty

Hers is one of “I don’t know”

What more can I bare

Waiting for the inevitable

If there is no now

How can we hope for tomorrow

I glance back to the yesterdays

The ones she says were not there

Wondering

Which of us is lying to ourselves

Bending reality to hold onto the latest idea

The guillotine hangs ready to fall

And I willingly place my neck on the block

Begging for a quick end

Or for her to yank me away

Wanting desperately to renew us

By

Robert Lloyd