Anchor

“Anchor”

Silence

It is deafening

Chasing me to the ends of the night

I outrun it though with p.m. pills, distilled dreams or sheer exhaustion

I can’t allow it to settle on me

For I fear it will destroy me

Sometimes it sneaks up on me

Winding its cold icy pain through my thoughts

Shaking my nerve

And racing my heart

Sometimes it shatters my fake smile

And replaces it with quick salted tears

It’s a pause between songs

A commercial when watching rerun distractions

It’s that moment when I stop talking about whatever

The moment I leave the company of friends

Silence

It is my enemy

Waiting for me to forget that I must busy my mind with insignificance

It is relentless

And I grow weary

I can only avoid it for so long

It is an anchor I cannot escape

Silence

It is deafening

Chasing me to the ends of the night

Robert Lloyd

7 April 2016

Bide

Bide

Will I have the next kiss goodbye

Or will that one be my last one

As the dark cloud hovers above me

My heart waits for resolve

Wondering

Has my latest appeal prolonged the end

Will the bell toll midnight

And the finality of reality run it’s course

My death row heart holds onto hope

I wait patiently

Nervously

Painfully

Not giving in

She makes me smile when no one else can

My breath catches when she walks into a room

Still when I bleed this honesty

Hers is one of “I don’t know”

What more can I bare

Waiting for the inevitable

If there is no now

How can we hope for tomorrow

I glance back to the yesterdays

The ones she says were not there

Wondering

Which of us is lying to ourselves

Bending reality to hold onto the latest idea

The guillotine hangs ready to fall

And I willingly place my neck on the block

Begging for a quick end

Or for her to yank me away

Wanting desperately to renew us

By

Robert Lloyd

Sound in Space

"Sound in Space"

Imagine they echo out into the black glittered void unheard

Like a 1980’s cassette tape on a continuous loop

Floating in an aluminum tin can satellite

Searching for something more

Constantly voicing want into the stardust nowhere

Knowing that when the impossible is found

Today will have already faded into way too many yesterdays

I put my love into electronic words like a ping into space

Knowing they will fall on deaf ears

They are warning to those out there not to come near

At least not until we have completely destroyed ourselves

With only the old faded sound of my heart breaking remaining

Playing over and over again

Screaming into the vacuum of a silver twinkled night sky

By

Robert Lloyd

Hostage

"Hostage"

You held me in your hands as best you could

Me, a shell of who I was

Searching for love and redemption

My trust was that you would be ever so careful

You were my rebirth and that was unfair

No one figured it would be easy

Least of all us

We said we would be different

I guess I always knew

My created burden was too much

It seems I was too broken for you to fix

For you to carry

For you manage next to your own needs

I don’t fault you

I just pray my cracks have not spread into your world

I hope you smile beyond me

And without me

I release you from the prison my love has created

You are no longer mine

You are free

Robert Lloyd

Iceberg

"Iceberg"

I am floating along                           

And melting

The beautiful world that surrounds me

Betrays me as I cherish

and struggle

with each vanishing moment

My presence

My worth

My existence

It all fades with each new sunrise

I crave something it seems I am no longer allowed

More time with you

With your supposed forever smile

With your clear blue glances

With the thought that you could never tire of me

As I drift along

Further from you

From something that once was such magic

I tremble with fear

And my heart aches

I desperately want to travel back to before

To the time before we stumbled onto this false path

This stream that drags us apart

I want yesterday

Knowing what I know today

Rather than this cold fade

I am floating along

And melting

Robert Lloyd