Sorghum Toil

The imperfections
We once loved
Are now the cracks
Fracturing us

Our core,
That original heart,
Now works as brittle glue
Binding,
But failing

We are
Chaos and pain,
Circular
Like breathing,
The unnatural
Natural motions

Our ebb and flow
Slows
Like molasses
In winter,
And we are no longer certain
We wish to light the stove
To once again
Soften the bitter, salted
Blackstrap

— Robert Lloyd

Perpetual

Perpetual

The world is currently in fast forward

And I am stuck in slow motion

I sit staring at your ghosts

The memories of what used to be

I am like a record droning away in the same spot

Over and over

I removed the trinkets of love we cherished

Trying to erase the reality of tomorrow

But now, I am just haunted by the blank spaces

I fight between silence and the radio

But both beat me into tearful submission

I know I must move on

I know my next moments are faced alone

Without you

I know what I shouldn’t be doing

And yet here I am

The world is currently in fast forward

And I am stuck in slow motion

I sit staring at your ghosts

The memories of what used to be

Robert Lloyd

Bide

Bide

Will I have the next kiss goodbye

Or will that one be my last one

As the dark cloud hovers above me

My heart waits for resolve

Wondering

Has my latest appeal prolonged the end

Will the bell toll midnight

And the finality of reality run it’s course

My death row heart holds onto hope

I wait patiently

Nervously

Painfully

Not giving in

She makes me smile when no one else can

My breath catches when she walks into a room

Still when I bleed this honesty

Hers is one of “I don’t know”

What more can I bare

Waiting for the inevitable

If there is no now

How can we hope for tomorrow

I glance back to the yesterdays

The ones she says were not there

Wondering

Which of us is lying to ourselves

Bending reality to hold onto the latest idea

The guillotine hangs ready to fall

And I willingly place my neck on the block

Begging for a quick end

Or for her to yank me away

Wanting desperately to renew us

By

Robert Lloyd

Hostage

"Hostage"

You held me in your hands as best you could

Me, a shell of who I was

Searching for love and redemption

My trust was that you would be ever so careful

You were my rebirth and that was unfair

No one figured it would be easy

Least of all us

We said we would be different

I guess I always knew

My created burden was too much

It seems I was too broken for you to fix

For you to carry

For you manage next to your own needs

I don’t fault you

I just pray my cracks have not spread into your world

I hope you smile beyond me

And without me

I release you from the prison my love has created

You are no longer mine

You are free

Robert Lloyd

Weakness

"Weakness"

Take me to the point

Where I wish to forget

Lips on mine

Whispers in my ear

Crystal blue eyes enslaving me

Moisten me so that I can deny

That you lie

Quicken my heart over and over

Even though

I know you will shatter it

Come back

Again and again

Even when banished

By my friends

By you

By me

Arouse the sin in me

The one that allows me to be ignorant

I know you hurt

You cause my soul to bleed

You are arsenic

And yet

I want you

Behind the bookstore

On the echoed stairway

In my bed

Screaming

Aching

Both

Wanting

For you to leave

And to come again

Robert Lloyd