Armor
I wear my armor well
It is painted with forced smiles
But I do eventually become happy
It is oiled with a need to care about something
And I do for those around me
It is fitted with just the right amount of forgetfulness
And for the most part it works as I get lost in my day to
days
However when busy stops the running around
The memories find their way in
If you look closely you can see my armor has been well
tested
There are many holes, dents and scars from unseen battles
There is a reason it is my armor
It is there to protect me from the attack
It helps to repel the rumors and whispers
It helps to defend against those who are bitter
It helps to shield me from those who just do not understand
And yet still they offer advice about something they will
never know
But most of all
My armor protects me from myself
I am the one who can slice through my defenses like a hot
knife through butter
I am the one who can unsettle the day
You see the attack from the outside is nothing I can’t
handle
It’s the one from within that I struggle against
It is that moment when time freezes and I find myself alone
Calm
Quiet
Even bored
That is when my armor nearly fails
That is when my mind spins and I question who I am
I question yesterday, today and tomorrow
There so many what ifs and what should have beens
The onslaught is relentless
And just when I think I can take no more of my own assault
Just when this titanium alloyed covered mind and heart
Feels like it is protected by a cheap aluminum shield
The phone rings
And I am presented a quest
My email vibrates
And I am given a cause
My door rattles with a knock
And I greet someone who needs me for battle
My armor held against my own mental attack
And now the distraction of something else
Anything else
Allows me to escape succumbing to myself
I get the distraction of someone else’s fair maiden to
rescue
I get to help sleigh another’s dragon
I get the chance to let my armor repair itself for another eventual
attack
You see the armor I wear when I am around you strengthens itself
With
your victories
So that I may eventually have my own
Robert Lloyd
