Low Wattage

Low Wattage

you miss a version of me 

who no longer exists.

the one who doesn’t 

shadow a room upon entering.

and for that, I am sorry.

but if you pause 

in your silent judgment,

you will find your hand 

on the switch.

Somewhere I Am Not

Somewhere I Am Not 

Let us go then, you and I. 

T. S. Eliot 

Broken. Repeated. Plagiarized. 

I am never gonna survive. 

Ready or not, it doesn't matter. 

I disturb the universe. 

Pinned, wriggling through life. 

I can't run away, so I take it slowly. 

Is this theft? 

Words from one generation or another. 

I can try. 

Quick now. 6 7. 

A third generation. 

What comes next? 

I know the I's already. 

I sit 180 degrees from the regular. 

I grow old 

But not yet at my breaking point. 

So I search for the mermaids singing. 

Coincidences with no consequences. 

If every meaningful sentence has already been spoken, 

What exactly am I supposed to do? 

Find me, lost, 

Knowing exactly where I am. 

Robert Lloyd

30 june 2026

In The Room

 In The Room

They are not as grey as I would have imagined
Neither of us wants to speak first
Unforgetting, small brown eyes follow my every move
Our fear of immediate discontent is palpable
I am amazed
There is enough space
For the three of us
We are avoiding the obvious
Its tail swishing with the tension
We are broken
The furniture ignores its size
Our hearts dull
Its trunk sways this way and that
Yesterday is no longer about tomorrow
Grateful there are no mice scurrying about
We think small thoughts
Ivory tusks majestic and white
There is no clear path
And all I can think
They are not as grey as I would have imagined
While avoiding a lovers' graveyard

By
Robert Lloyd

“Demons & Angels”

“Demons & Angels”

They are there

Waiting

Accidental moments of people and silence

As I push through the day to day

From one purposeful task to the next

I forget the demons

The shadows and ghosts that haunt me

Momentary amnesia has never been so enjoyed

I gratefully accomplish the things I hate

I hungrily seek out the next busy portion of time

Wanting it to carry me to some sort of peace and forgetfulness

But when the demons arise

I shudder and retreat into a world of loneliness

And just when I feel I can take no more

The angels take flight

Ready to save me from my own self torture

They come in small ways to rescue and soothe my wounds

A text

A message

A call

Even a small unexpected knock on my door

All of it

Is welcome relief

It is those very angels who give me the strength to push back

To push on

To put the demons beyond the reach of my wandering mind

Robert Lloyd

14 April 2016

Anchor

“Anchor”

Silence

It is deafening

Chasing me to the ends of the night

I outrun it though with p.m. pills, distilled dreams or sheer exhaustion

I can’t allow it to settle on me

For I fear it will destroy me

Sometimes it sneaks up on me

Winding its cold icy pain through my thoughts

Shaking my nerve

And racing my heart

Sometimes it shatters my fake smile

And replaces it with quick salted tears

It’s a pause between songs

A commercial when watching rerun distractions

It’s that moment when I stop talking about whatever

The moment I leave the company of friends

Silence

It is my enemy

Waiting for me to forget that I must busy my mind with insignificance

It is relentless

And I grow weary

I can only avoid it for so long

It is an anchor I cannot escape

Silence

It is deafening

Chasing me to the ends of the night

Robert Lloyd

7 April 2016

Rabbit

Rabbit

I am driven

Absorbing everything around me

Busying myself with stuff I used to ignore

Trying to be too involved to breathe

It’s me running faster than my own thoughts

My future ghosts are chasing me

Like hungry howls in pursuit

Waiting for me falter

But I press on determined

If I could just ignore the footsteps behind me

At least for just few moments more

Then it will all go away

I could burst out of the crowded forest that is my tortured heart

And be bathed in the sunlight of blank canvass

I escape reality by not acknowledging it

The pain of the bite at my heels is too much to endure

I am the rabbit running

Unwilling to succumb to the snarling wolves in my head

The ones I created

Robert Lloyd

Hostage

"Hostage"

You held me in your hands as best you could

Me, a shell of who I was

Searching for love and redemption

My trust was that you would be ever so careful

You were my rebirth and that was unfair

No one figured it would be easy

Least of all us

We said we would be different

I guess I always knew

My created burden was too much

It seems I was too broken for you to fix

For you to carry

For you manage next to your own needs

I don’t fault you

I just pray my cracks have not spread into your world

I hope you smile beyond me

And without me

I release you from the prison my love has created

You are no longer mine

You are free

Robert Lloyd

Iceberg

"Iceberg"

I am floating along                           

And melting

The beautiful world that surrounds me

Betrays me as I cherish

and struggle

with each vanishing moment

My presence

My worth

My existence

It all fades with each new sunrise

I crave something it seems I am no longer allowed

More time with you

With your supposed forever smile

With your clear blue glances

With the thought that you could never tire of me

As I drift along

Further from you

From something that once was such magic

I tremble with fear

And my heart aches

I desperately want to travel back to before

To the time before we stumbled onto this false path

This stream that drags us apart

I want yesterday

Knowing what I know today

Rather than this cold fade

I am floating along

And melting

Robert Lloyd