Armor

Armor

I wear my armor well

It is painted with forced smiles

But I do eventually become happy

It is oiled with a need to care about something

And I do for those around me

It is fitted with just the right amount of forgetfulness

And for the most part it works as I get lost in my day to days

However when busy stops the running around

The memories find their way in

If you look closely you can see my armor has been well tested

There are many holes, dents and scars from unseen battles

There is a reason it is my armor

It is there to protect me from the attack

It helps to repel the rumors and whispers

It helps to defend against those who are bitter

It helps to shield me from those who just do not understand

And yet still they offer advice about something they will never know  

But most of all

My armor protects me from myself

I am the one who can slice through my defenses like a hot knife through butter

I am the one who can unsettle the day

You see the attack from the outside is nothing I can’t handle

It’s the one from within that I struggle against

It is that moment when time freezes and I find myself alone

Calm

Quiet

Even bored

That is when my armor nearly fails

That is when my mind spins and I question who I am

I question yesterday, today and tomorrow

There so many what ifs and what should have beens

The onslaught is relentless

And just when I think I can take no more of my own assault

Just when this titanium alloyed covered mind and heart

Feels like it is protected by a cheap aluminum shield

The phone rings

And I am presented a quest

My email vibrates

And I am given a cause

My door rattles with a knock

And I greet someone who needs me for battle

My armor held against my own mental attack

And now the distraction of something else

Anything else

Allows me to escape succumbing to myself

I get the distraction of someone else’s fair maiden to rescue

I get to help sleigh another’s dragon

I get the chance to let my armor repair itself for another eventual attack

You see the armor I wear when I am around you strengthens itself 

With your victories

So that I may eventually have my own

Robert Lloyd

Rand McNally Destination Life

"Rand McNally Destination Life"

Smothered by this emptiness

I long for a respirator

A purpose that drives me hard into life

Into a life that leads to more

Future is just a word

I’d like to see more than just shadows

I want a lasting light or road to follow

One with a known destination

I will be crushed if I worked this hard for a dead end

I pray for a map

A simple one that always guarantees another to follow

I just want to know that there is more road

Maybe its faith for which I request

More so maybe it is Proof I want

Yet either way I must have…

I need a destination

By

Robert Lloyd

(25 Feb 01)

Pondering

“Pondering”


Her laughter and smile is broken by the momentary pause of contemplation
She gets lost in the thought of us
Of her
Of what’s next
That’s when my heart skips the quickest


In that moment
When neither of us utters a word
And the only sounds that can be found
Are the waves crashing on the nearby shore as the wind races around us
I get lost too
I am pulled in by her soft green eyes
And I wonder how long I will be allowed to pretend they are mine


They say that nothing good ever comes from a girl with beautiful eyes
But I have already been swallowed by that possible curse
I am at the edge
Practically willing to jump
She stares right through me and burns my soul


My world and hers are littered with the remnants of our yesterdays
Our lives are sweet pieces of candied covered chaos

Broken parts of each us seem to fit
They are pressed into one another in a nearly perfect way

We are a puzzle coming together
And it all starts with that first piece
Those amazing soft green eyes
The ones pondering what to do next



Robert Lloyd

Monarch

"Monarch"

The color of syrup and corn catch my eye

Against the green fields and blue skies

And I smile

There

Dancing amongst the flowers

Softly floating between the reds and lavender

Is something that reminds me of you

My heart warms

I forget the worries of my day

And I stray off the dull asphalt path

Leaving the monotony of boardrooms and teleconferences

To follow your symbol

Your happiness

Your inspiration

A breeze kisses my neck

And fresh air smacks me in the face

Forcing me back to reality

I awake from my pleasant day dream

Knowing that I must get back to chasing dollars

But before I do

Before I step back onto the black top

That takes me to my cold metal desk

I watch beauty for a few moments longer

There

Dancing amongst the flowers

Softly floating between the reds and lavender

Is a beautiful butterfly

And it reminds me of you

Robert Lloyd

11 January 2011 

The Road

"The Road" 


People pass through my day like cars at a stop light 
They are momentarily there 
Headed on the same path 
But eventually they turn off at one point 
Leaving me once again on my own road 

I find myself jealous that they have passengers 
Parents, children, family and friends 
My car is empty 
My company kept is songs tied to memories 
Songs that fade further into yesterday 

It's as if I am behind the wheel of a hearse 
Driving alone 
With death being the only hitchhiker I am sure to find 


 Robert Lloyd

Raindrops

"Raindrops"

The beat of my heart accelerates when she first comes into view.   She is the sexy part of a summer storm.  That dark cloud on a bright sunny day that many enjoy, and know will bring a much needed rain and even bit of electricity. She is the lightning bolt aimed right at me, winding up with a few bits of taunt and sway.   With her stare and smile she charges my skin, my entire body.  The hairs on my arm stand on imaginary tippy toes in anticipation of her touch and soft lips.  She is the raindrop that falls from the sky and kisses the skin on the back of my neck, waking me up, sending a shiver down my spine.  She is the dance in the rain that cools the air around me and makes me forget yesterday and the dry heat.  She is the steam that floats up from the ground racing past me to the skies, to gather, and start all over again another day.  She is the unexpected.  She is my smile.  She is my today and maybe tomorrow.

Robert Lloyd

My Own Van Morrison

"My Own Van Morrison"

Liquid pools of brown syrup spill over me with a hungry intent

The only thing that breaks the hold her eyes have on me

The one that cements me to where I stand

Waiting for her touch

Is her smile

It sends my heart skipping a beat too fast

She scares me

But in a good way

And I think she knows it

She could be the fairy tale you have read about

And almost forgot

Because you were lost in the thick grey reality of life

The one you were taught to accept

Since

Well

That’s just what everyone does

Her presence is the joy that invites me to happiness

And I plan to prolong the time I have with her

Even if it is to just savor those amazing

Dark, rich, hot chocolate brown eyes

For a few seconds more

Robert Lloyd